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Submitted on
July 17, 2011
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490 bytes
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123
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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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Psychotic smirk of the Cheshire
madness of the Hatter
rage of the Red Queen

kettle whistles nonsense to a frantic boil

She steeps the potent tea-
red-peddled bias
aromatic slurs
apple pie lies

Hatter sips
Cat grins
Queen fumes

Alice wonders...


-----------------------------------------
(c)2011
free verse--political satire
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:iconchiara-scicluna:
chiara-scicluna Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
If I were to be frank, I love this poem but I want to kick those annoying fullstops and dashes away xD
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:iconjjpoatree:
JJPoatree Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for reading and commenting, by the way.
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:iconchiara-scicluna:
chiara-scicluna Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. The final ellipses are ok, since they're not exactly part of the poem. It looks a lot cleaner like this, in my opinion. Still, if you want to add a comma or fullstop here and there, it's not bad, just don't overdo it unless you want the reader to stop often rather than flow through.
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:iconjjpoatree:
JJPoatree Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I took most of the punctuation out. Is it better this way? I can live with this, though I liked the ellipsis after "Alice wonders"
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011
I think your piece would flow better and be less confusing to these pair of eyes if you would eliminate the over-use of the dashes and ellipses (...). Just my :twocents: as a constructive suggestion. :)
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:iconjjpoatree:
JJPoatree Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for viewing. I took most of the punctuation out. Is it better this way? I can live with this, though I liked the ellipsis after "Alice wonders"
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011
Better. :nod: The ellipsis after "Alice wonders" is fine. :)
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